Red Blend, Warwick Three Cape Ladies 05'

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wine: Three Cape Ladies
producer:Warwick
vintage: 05'
region:South Africa
price:$20.00
date tasted:7/27/10
place tasted:naked, sitting on the edge of a tall cliff looking out over a large endless body of water at sunset. have i been walking for years to get here? did I fly up? either way, it's no wonder i feel a need to rest. the view was worth the effort though, and i wouldn't change a thing. i bow humbly to the gift of life and the movement of all the wonders within me that think, feel, breathe, and live.
serve with:it would be just awesome with lamb...in fact it is a MUST with lamb; or a funky cheese like the Jamaican 'No Woman'; or just some fine dark chocolate...i went with the chocolate this time round. go to poshchocolat.com for that. trust me on this.
appearance:it's very well dressed and masculine in nature. if it were a man it would look like Vincent Price.
bouquet:heavy French perfume with very subtle licorice highlights.
taste:tobacco smoke and fig mingle with toasted spice. delightfully distinguished and well mannered chewy tannins keep you company until it finishes short and dry on a slightly citrus up note.
balance:medium bodied and very dry; it growls a little but it won't bite you. complex tannins weigh heavy on the mind of the tongue. it also reminds me of milk, but in a non-threatening kind of way.
comments:i had a hard time getting to know this wine at first but once i did i really really liked it. in fact i'm liking it again right now. cheers!

rating:3 stars

Caberntet, Clos Du Bois 07'

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wine:cabernet Sauvignon
producer:Clos du Bois
vintage:07
region:north Coast California
price:$15
date tasted:7/24/10
place tasted:across from a BEAUTIFUL woman's apartment sitting on a park bench on a hot summers day, staring in fascination. oh wait, that's not me, it's you isn't it? and it's not fascination, it's stalking! get a therapist, perv-boy
served with:spaghetti tossed with roasted garlic, zucchini, olive oil, fresh grated parmesan, fresh basil, and a little sea salt
appearance:deep red pomegranate
bouquet:cinnamon and plum. kind of like if you took a snickerdoodle and scooped a little of moms canned italian prunes on top of it and served it up in a cute little antique glass custard dish with a cute little antique silver desert spoon.
taste: of a chocolate covered cherry sitting in lotus with nag champa incense burning while meditating on naked gingerbread men. make no mistake though, this wine is very dry and well proportioned....it's kinda like skinny people who can eat anything without getting fat. heavy crescent moon shaped tannins rock and roll on the tongue following through to a long, strong, heady finish.
balance:a sexy, viscous, well balanced beauty
comments:yes, yes, yes, oh my various gods, yes!

rating:3.5 stars

Merlot, Cupcake 07'

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wine:Merlot
vintage: 07'
producer:Cupcake
region:California
price:$12
date tasted:7/9/10
place tasted:at the top of mt. jumbo chasing my good buddy bob around while riding on the back of a magical moon goat and chanting for the good of the land.
served with:pizza...perfect! moon goats don't like pizza. more for me. it's a very good wine & cheese kind of wine. you can't go wrong with a nice blue cheese.
appearance:deep, deep, deep red with affluent cherry reflections.
taste:like the tender breath of silky cherry chocolate waves cascading over moist earth, oak and grass. has a full round gentle finish that neither pushes or pulls one out of the present moment. note: present moment can certainly be enhanced with fine dark chocolate.
bouquet:is like that of a rose garden that is far away but that faintly caresses the snoots edges on the wings of a warm summer breeze.
balance:svelte, athletic with curves. smokin' hot babe of a wine.
comments:this wine needs time to breath and get in the mood, but once she is comfortable and ready, her naked beauty will surly not disappoint.

rating:2.9

Syrah/Mourvedre Viognier, the Wolftrap 08'

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wine:syrah, Mourvedre Viognier
vintage: 08'
producer:the Wolftrap
region:south Africa
price:$14
date tasted:7/21/10
place tasted:after struggling all day to survive in a hot, soulless desert, lost and lonely, i embraced a yoga oasis then wandered down a path leading to food, drink, and little peace....and oh thank the divine, it's raining.
served with:thunder and lightning....and feta, and walnuts, and onion, and lamb, and then some dark chocolate. it's really good with all that stuff.
appearance:deep, black cherry red with no refracted light; not unlike gazing into the frightening depths of Lake Diablo on a hot summer day. darn it, it's making me homesick.
taste:dense red fruit and plum with balanced blend of vanilla-licorice spice expressions and just a hint of basil. finish is blessed with oak and smoke that combine with soft, gentle, round tannins leaving the palate delighted, satisfied, and considering commitment.
bouquet:licorice and candy store spice; in the rose garden of wines, this one has a most outstanding, aromatic, and comforting scent. lean into it, inhale, and let it lift the spirit.
balance:thick and viscous; moves slow, like honey down the sides of her stemmed crystal vessel; quite lovely to watch. use a paper cup and i swear i will come over there and slap you silly!
comments:complex and inspiring; she will bring out the best in you and put you in touch with your inner hedonist. ah, sweet pleasure! i fell in love with this wine before even tasting it through her amazing nose and meaty sexy naked legs.

rating:4 stars

Raspberry Wine, Fall City Wine Wizards 09'

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wine:over the Raspberry Rainbow
vintage:09'
producer:Fall City Wine Wizards
region:Pacific NW
price:$35
date tasted:1/13/210
place tasted:fukcking Kansas.....i've made a huge mistake
served with: candles, white lavender and cognac truffles preceded by cheeses of brie, gouda and a variety of fruits
appearance:a beautiful aura of glowing ruby with intense orange overtones
taste: fat raspberry with a very elegant sparkling sensation on the tongue. lovely medium dry wine that gets bigger the longer you chew on it and ends with a massively round and pleasant finish....a great wine to inspire a calm, sensual, and romantic atmosphere
bouquet:dense and very bright raspberry nose with a slight indica sensation on the exhale
balance:yin/yang perfection
comments:dances naked with you in an interactive classical champagne raspballet. aren't you the lucky one? yeah, ya are

rating: 4 stars
note: i have no label pic of this one but found a nice raspberry picture to help communicate its beauty

Red Blend, Robert Mondavi 07'

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wine:Meritage-70% Cabernet, 12% Merlot, 4% Petit Verdot, 3% Cabernet Franc
vintage:07'
producer:Robert Mondavi
region:Woodbridge, California
price:$10.00
date tasted:6/27/2010
place tasted:in a dollhouse living room relaxing on a tiny little fainting couch
serve with:Baghala Polo, an Iranian lamb and rice dish. don't forget to set a garnish of feta, walnuts, and raw sweet onion on the dinner table (that's how I learned to do it)
appearance:deep blood red velvet in color, velvet tempered by age resulting in that kind of rusty rich orange around the edges look. very pleasing to the eye.
taste:spicy, with warm, tastefully understated complexities of rich red fruit, sandalwood, citrus, and oak. soft round tannins gently and subtly hug the tongue giving great pleasure. finishes with a dreamy naked kiss and a euphoric sensual afterglow. no regrets, you'll be glad you brought her home.
bouquet:breath in the scent of warm fruit-pastry endorphins exciting the snoot and making the palate wet and ready for action.
balance:extremely well balanced with beautiful shapely legs, sticky and moist that cling to the inside of your glass before moving slowly down the sides for your consumption.
comments:this wine allows the palate to swoon to a lovely and balanced quintet conducted by the great maestro, Robert Mondavi.

rating:3.7 stars

rating:3.7 stars

Pinot Grigio, Barringer 08'

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wine:pino grigio
vintage:08
producer:Barringer
region:California
price:8.50
date tasted:7/2/10
place tasted:sitting in the tunnel and smiling at the light at the end of it :)
served with:brie, dried cranberries, smoked salmon, papaya, macintosh apples, grapes, candied pecans, and water crackers....yummy!
appearance:almost crystal clear, if not for the cutest little naked pink toes!
taste:smooth....so smooth, it's like butter, no bite to it at all. papaya and macintosh apple
bouquet:the subtle scent of honeysuckle dancing gracefully past your snoot on a hot summer day
balance:strong and thin....like Molly Parker...or any other Molly I know!
comments:a very refreshing wine experience on a hot summer day; soothing, kind, and reassuring like a long talk with your best friend.

rating:3.4

Red Blend, Chateau de Beaucastel 07'

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wine:Cotes du Rhone Rouge; a blend of Grenache 60%, Syrah 20%, Mourvedre 10%, and Cinsault 10%
vintage:07'
producer:the Perrin brothers of Chateau de Beaucastel
region:France
price:$7
date tasted:5/19/90
place tasted:here...right here
served with:a good wine to go with pretty much anything...she doesn't have 'a type'
appearance:a swirly blanket of muted comforting garnet
taste:light, fruity, and pleasing, but not terribly distinctive; finish is fast and unmemorable
bouquet:the scent of a cherry-banana cheesecake (my favorite thing about this wine, it's nice)
balance:thin, but still looks sexy naked; so what the hell?
comments:after an hour or so of breathing it's quite a lovely gift of delicate textures. An unoffensive and perfectly acceptable table wine, but don't expect too much of it beyond that

rating:2.5

note: i'm not positive this label is correct as the cost of the one the label was attached to was $35....but all the info on label is correct, including the grapes used, so if it's not exact, it's close and should help while looking for this particular bottle. on the other hand i may have purchased it at grocery outlet at an insane discount and that may be the correct label after all...

Malbec, Terra Rosa 05'

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wine:Malbec
vintage:05'
producer:Terra Rosa
region:Argentina
price:$11
date tasted:5/23/09
place tasted:Camp Tuffit....in my trailer....wonder if that bear will come back again tonight.....better drink more wine!
served with:strong cheeses; lamb; red meat; dark posh chocolat; pairs well with complex and challenging cuisine
appearance: malbec purple
taste:chewy rich black fruit and leather mingle in spicy wooded darkness slowly fading to a well rounded long, heady finish
bouquet:musky and lush. makes you want to lick and nibble its naked body for hours
balance:balanced body, viscous
comments:this wine is dangerously sexy. the experience will haunt you and you will seek out its seductive charms again and again.

rating:4 stars

Deans Peach, High Lonesome Cellars 08'

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wine:Deans Peach
vintage:08'
producer:High Lonesome Cellars
region:Mt.Si, Washington
price:if you have to ask you can't afford it.
date tasted:10/21/08
place tasted:at High Lonesome Cellars under the watchful eye of Mt.Si
served with:good friends, all here to be of service and much love.
appearance:color of an enchanted moonbeam with soft naked pink edges
taste:dry, light and fruity breezes wrap the palate in a soft and silky eiderdown, finishing with more concentrated yet tastefully understated peachyness.
balance:she's a dancer and a deva, graceful and charming.
comments:comes on with the gentle comforting influence of aphredite wrapped in a creamy flowing silk gown of honey butter.
bouquet:an enlightened and subtle perfume that speaks more to the spirit than the snoot.


rating:4 stars
note: i am unaware of a label for this wine either so here's a pretty peaches picture to enhance the mood

Blueberry, High Lonesome Cellars 04'

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wine:Blueberry
vintage:04'
producer:High Lonesome Cellars
region:Mt.Si, Washington
price:about...oh hell, I don't know
date tasted:10/21/08
place tasted:in a beautiful fuzzy blur
served with:beautiful fuzzy friends
appearance:glowing ruby red in the light, obsidian rich and mysterious on the dark side
taste:of an elaborate and complex tobacco rope wrapped around blueberry candy and fed to druid priests to enhance the magic.
bouquet:the snoot takes a journey through lush, enchanted forests and exotic wooded mysteries that linger in the minds of naked wood nymphs and trolls everywhere.
balance:moves with the grace and balance of a kaleidoscope
comments:a most unique and special treat for the palate. It is a rare and beautiful gem to have in your collection of wine experiences.

rating:4 stars
again, i am unaware of any label for this wine. i have instead provided a picture of a beautiful blue butterfly, reminding me of an incredible, unique experience shared in freedom, love, and friendship, one that will never leave my heart.

Pinotage, Backsberg 04'

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wine:Pinotage
vintage:04'
producer:Backsberg
region:SouthAfrica
price:$8.00
date tasted:11/8/2008
place tasted:sitting on a futon in a greenhouse with a fish tank. Candles are burning and crystals glowing in the flickering light. With the sound of gentle, soothing rain against my window I feel at one with the elements.
served with:my most quality buddy, Bob. Oh how I love that man!
appearance:bright ruby with glowing burnt carmel fringe
taste:pepper and smoke enhance a journey to the depths of an enlightened and comforting spirit. This wine is a real friend. Finishes on an up note like a kiss on the cheek and a cute little grin before slowly gliding away from view and leaving you swooning
bouquet:the bouquet takes me to an old new england mansion in the comfort of family and friends; sipping wine by the fireplace, playing music and feeling the love and the holiday spirit waft through the air with snow coming down in a blanket of blessings outside.
balance:a graceful and unflawed character without even one offensive quality.
comments:i'm so in love...and the wine is really good too! great value as is typical of these lovely South African beauties.

rating:3.5 stars

Merlot, Napa River 05'

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wine:merlot
vintage: 05'
producer:Napa River
region:Napa Valley
price:$6 at Trader Joe's
date tasted:11/11/08
place tasted:in a private cottage on the beach deep within in the soft hypnotic gaze of true love
served with:brie,danish blue, cranberries, grapes, pears, oat crackers and eleven hour magic marinara on thin spaghetti
appearance:a thick and stormy garnet pond; drink! drink from it, and be blessed!
taste:soft tannins embrace the palate start to finish mingling with heavy dense red fruit
bouquet:has the sensual scent of a summer boat ride on Whitefish Lake in mid July...ah, remember?
balance:moves like liquid silk
comments:elegant and charming, a perfect companion

rating:3.8 stars

Carmenere, Pacifico Sur 03'

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wine:Carmenere
vintage: 03'
producer:Pacifico Sur
region:Chile
price:$4 at Grocery Outlet...it's a $13 bottle, easy
date tasted:01/07/09
place tasted:in the suspended and increasingly uncomfortable silence of my gratitude
served with:a variety of toasts and bread type things
appearance:dense garnet with gentle glowing reflections
taste:black current mingling with vanilla, spice, and earthy goodness embrace the palate as delicate tannins infiltrate the soul and gently fade into a milky etherial finish
bouquet:scent of a cotton candy forrest planted inside a new radial tire
balance:has the body of Rochelle Welsh, naked and swimming in a peaceful rocking ocean...the year was 1977
comments:consume and swoon...it will do you right!

rating:4 stars

Malbec, CAMP 07'

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wine:Malbec
vintage:07'
producer:CAMP/Grey Cliff Cellars
region:Lockeford, California
price:$10.99
date tasted:05/12/09
place tasted:Camp Tuffit
served with:pairs well with stilton; apple; dried cranberry; brie and candied pecans; that sort of foreplay. Follow up with some red saucy little italian pasta number.
appearance:intimidating blood black
taste:phat mix of rich dark fruit, berry, and plum ignite the palate and dance lightly on the tongue with just the right amount of pressure and release before departing in a smooth oblong velvety finish that leaves its lucky victim swooning, grateful, and half naked for god sakes!
bouquet:a faint light unsuspecting perfume not unlike the sexy cliche librarian before the glasses come off and the hair comes down
balance:perfect....just perfect
comments:an excellent contribution to an etherial experience within the magic element of a deep and peaceful forest.

rating:3.3

Syrah, Chateau Ste. Michelle 05'

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wine:Syrah
producer:Chateau Ste. Michelle
vintage: 05'
region:Washington
price:$11
date tasted:7/11/08, moon in Scorpio.
place tasted:at ten acres fun park...naked.
served with: no woman Jamacian (sp)cheese, brie, grapes, fuji apple,and norwegian rye cracker thingy.
appearance:with its ruby depth and glowing hints of violet, I suspect this wine was infused with the spew of Dionysus himself.
taste:a smooth ride in an oak boat filled with berries and spice on a river of soft round tannins and full bodied .
bouquet:a thick and gentle perfume to the snoot. Brings up visions of raspberry chocolate mouse slathered on all the luscious parts of your favorite lover.
balance:well balanced with poise and grace.
comments:inspires a girl into wild acts of virasana atop the raging and gracious gift of Prince Charmings pumping loins; all part of the experience. Eat, drink, love.

rating:3.5 stars

Pinot Noir, Robert Mondavi 06'

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wine:pinot Noir
vintage:06'
producer:Robert Mondavi, Private Selection
region:Woodbridge, California
price:$13
date tasted:6/2/08
place tasted:I'm not at liberty to disclose that information.
served with:mixed berries, brie, and a fresh summer salad.
appearance:a clean, light, cherry candy red.
taste:gentle little spice bees buzz around cherry blossoms and berries only to be whisked away in a velvety smooth finish on a breeze of delicate tannins and oak.
bouquet:an almost intangible pheromone effect on the naked senses with the bouquet of a spring meadow bathed in sunshine after a heavy rain.
balance:elegant and light on its feet. It is a happy wine with a deeply spiritual nature.
comments:easy to talk to and much cheaper than therapy. This wine is sympathetic to all of lifes tedious complications. It will validate your feelings as well as lift your spirits. It's a good wine to have around. So buy a bottle, give it a hug, and savour it's glorious conversation, it's a real friends friend.

rating:3 stars

Malbec/Cabernet, Paris Goulart 05'

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wine:Malbec/Cabernet
vintage:05'
producer:Paris Goulart
region:Mendoza Argentina
price:$13
date tasted:6/4/08
place tasted:inside a genie bottle nestled in the heart of a lonely blue eyed whitefish.
served with:sex on the phone, lasagna, and a cat toy. A highly recommended combination with this particular wine.
appearance:dignified and dark, glowing in a tranquil, new moon blueberry midnight.
taste:musky earth and a hot women's tasty feet embrace the palate then leave it reeling in soft tannins and deep rich berry fruit on the finish.
bouquet:of treasured vintage perfume bottles and old lipsticks on display at a trendy antique mall in Edmonds, Washington.You may experience it as the breath of a freshly mowed English meadow.
balance:light on her feet and enchanting. She's big and she's beautiful, just too perfect!
comments:it's a thick, dirty, nasty little work of art, not unlike the vision of a beautiful woman being willingly handcuffed naked to a victorian brass bed and smiling for the camera. Try not to think about that.

rating:3.5 stars

Malbec, Gascon 07'

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wine:Malbec
producer:Don Miguel Gascon
vintage:07'
region:Argentina
price:$10.99
date tasted:06/15/08
place tasted:in a dark naked fantasy with the moon fully throbbing in Scorpio.
served with:the Hunger...oh Catherine! Greek salad, lamb, and rice. A hearty yet elegant wine, good with stilton, poshchocolat, oh hell, anything really.
appearance:the color of the blood that pools in your damaged paw following the passionate snag of a hidden thorn on a blossoming beautiful black rose.
taste:soft cocoa butter cologne resting on the neck of Berry Cherry, Sally Cherry's sexy older brother, his soft round tannins dancing intently on the palate. Wrap your tongue around muscular liquid charms and savour this one for all it's worth, for he's smokin' hot and fades into the moonlit night on a spanking of stars all too soon. You gotta do this wine.
bouquet:musky sandalwood and puffy berry clouds inspire and satisfy the scent starved snoot.
balance:sturdy, lush, and viscous. Very well balanced.
comments:keep your options open and your heart in your pants. Just a little free advise. Regarding this wine though, it is a charming elegant experience that will leave you exhausted, legless, and smiling. So go ahead and indulge your inner hedonist you sick little toad licker.

rating:4 stars

Dry Cherry-Flathead, Ten Spoon

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wine:Flathead Cherry Dry - Cherry Wine
vintage:i don't know, they won't tell me.
producer:Ten Spoon
region:Montana
price:12.99
date tasted:05/21/08
place tasted:the sunny side of Hell.
served with:fear and loathing in Missoula.
appearance:beautiful cherry reflections almost too good to be true. If the color of this wine were a man, he'd probably look like a young Warren Beatty.
taste:a bowl full of cherries, earth and violets swirl about the mouth like happy fish in an oak barrel. Tannins tickle the sides of the tongue and giggle on down the throat disappearing leaving behind a long, deep fruity afterglow.
bouquet:if a cherry poops in the woods and no one is around to....It's actually very nice.
balance:light and breezy, well balanced.
comments:get naked, laugh with the devil and delight in his lies.

rating:3.2 stars

Cabernte, Chateau ste. Michelle 04'

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wine:cabernet
vintage:04'
producer:Chateau Ste. Michele
region:Columbia Valley, Washington State
price:$14
date tasted:05/31/08
place tasted:in the near future
served with:lasagna and Le Petit baguette...perfect with this wine.
appearance:sad and beautiful blueberry insecurities. Gazing hypnotically into this wine may result in visions of future wonders and fascinations. Oh my goddess, it is an oracle!
taste:licorice and basil combine with concentrated black fruit in a most beautiful ceremony of love and spiritual bonding. Rose petals and soft round tannins celebrate a delicious and eloquent finish.
bouquet:escaping on the out breath the gentle spirit of a magical wooded forest softly caresses all of your naked parts then tucks the snoot in with a rich and fragrant eiderdown.
balance:moves in buoyant tranquility.
comments:a regal prince of a wine with strength of character, a kind and gentle disposition and solid integrity. So good, you may never need another wine as long as you live.

rating:4 stars

Red Blend-Primivito, Tormaresca 06'

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wine:Negoammaro, Primitivo, Cab
vintage:06'
producer:Tormaresca
region:Itay
price:$10.49
date tasted:5/16/08
place tasted:down on Highway 61
served with:self pity
appearance:it's busty and beautiful. Royal blueberry with blood red reflections shadowing the edges of the devils happy place.
taste:floral and light pepper mist enhances this inspired modern dance of naked blueberries, black currents, and soft tannins on the finish.
bouquet:subtle pumpkin pie spice and cinnamon stick.
balance:she is much thinner than she looks in her clothes; an alabaster queen dressed in black velvet.
comments:a friendly wine that communicates in light conversation and small talk, but not a wine you can trade deep philosophical insights or exotic weird experiences with. It's a fun one night stand party wine. You'll have a good time, but you won't go melting down your own leg, have an obsessive need to consume it night and day, and completely isolate all of your friends and family just so you can be with it. Maybe that's a good thing.

rating:2.8 stars

Red Blend, Goats do Roam 05'

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wine:pinotage, syrah, cinsault, grenache, carignan, gamay and mourvèdre.
vintage:05'
producer:Goats do Roam
region:South Africa
price:$7.99
date tasted:5/10/08
place tasted:nowhere really.
served with:caviare, exotic heure de voitures, lamb, feta, walnuts, onion. Absolutely MUST enjoy with any good chocolate available at poshchocolat.com
appearance:born in a deep ruby puddle with orange reflections.
taste:an earthy herbaceous and delightful walk down spicy fruit trails that wind through dusty tannins leading into a thick smoky tobacco finish. A beautiful experience worthy of collecting.
bouquet:the familiar scent of a naked troll sitting in a musty dark cellar eating a stick of celery and making a rubber band ball.
balance:rides on the tongue like a jockey. Charming, masculine, and very passionate. You cannot resist this bad boy.
comments:a graceful and elegant slut of a wine. CAUTION: your need for this wine may consume all other needs. Its charms are hypnotic and might I add...intoxicating.
rating:3.5 stars

Red Blend, Menage a Trois 06'

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wine:Zinfandel, Merlot, Cabernet
vintage:06'
producer:Menage a Trois
region:Napa County, California
price:$9
date tasted:5/8/08
place tasted:I don't know, they blindfolded me.
served with:big red meats and muffins with pronounced identities.
appearance:in my minds eye I picture it a brilliant, multi-faceted gem dancing in a ruby mini skirt.
taste:very heavy red fruit and big fat berries dominate the palate followed by a lovely soft earthy finish. Dripping wet and naked, nothing dry about it.
bouquet:cotten candy wrapped around a cherry popsicle...mmm
balance:Reubenesque (sp?) and slathered in creme brulet.
comments:just pulling this wine through a lovers lips in a hot cosmic kiss may cause ones heart to quicken, ones appetites to escalate to ravenous levels, and ones hedonistic desires to take one into uncharted territories....go ahead, you know you love it, own it baby.
rating:2.5 stars

Red Blend, Nessun Dorma 05'

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wine:Nessun Dorma
vintage:05'
producer:Maestro Antonio Sanguineti
region:Italy
price:$13
date tasted:5/20/08
place tasted:at the circus.
served with:a rune reading, some crackers, and a mime.
appearance:glows and sparkles in garnet.
taste:bright cherry and basal mingle and merge into soft yet intimidating tribble tannins and an elegant licorice finish.
bouquet:a gentle and innocent perfume of celery, pepper, and childhood Avon stuff.
balance:just so skinny, light and breezy, it's a little soprano for my taste. Let it breathe for an hour or two before serving.
comments:encouraging rune reading, but I don't really like the circus.

rating:2.8

Malbec, Trapiche 05'

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wine:Malbec
vintage:05'
producer:Trapiche
region:Argentina
price:$9
date tasted:5/2/08
place tasted:wallowing in the mud of my satanic nature
served with:self pity, bitterness, days of our lives, love, confusion, pms, and general insanity...yummy!
appearance:black as Beelzebub's blood with violet claws extending from deep within and plotting the resurrection of their observation.
taste:toasty oak and concentrated plum moving into a long and gentle finish with a complexity of tannins dancing (swan lake) and lingering like so many memories
bouquet:an enchanted forest, moist and earthy with heavy oak and blackberry patches and a comforting fully naked man made of almond bark, harmless and strategically placed where I can't trip over him.
balance:viscous and well rounded
comments:when some rat bastard comes along and really pisses you off, get a bottle of this stuff, call someone who really IS a friend and know that not everyone in the world is evil...just the men. NOTE: this wine is far to superior for rat bastards. Pearls before swine. Therefore should be consumed by ladies only.

rating:3.2 stars

Red Blend-Vinetta, Robert Mondavi 05'

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wine:Vinetta:68%cab,14%merlot,11%petit verdot,5%malbec,2%cab franc
vintage:05'
producer:Robert Mondavi
region:Woodbridge,Ca
price:$12
date tasted:5/4/08
place tasted:stuck in a tapestry as a work of art hanging on the wall of a downtown museum in San Francisco...how did I get here?
served with:Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia Ice Cream.
appearance:her bright eyes flash and burn into you with an enchanting ruby glow.
taste:sings in big strong mezzo black currant tones with a dried apricot chewy center and smoldering thick tobacco finish. Features soft, well rounded tannins and toasted oakies that cascade over the palate and rest in a comfortable easy chair at the end of a long and colorful life with a book full of John Keats poetry...quite satisfied with itself.
bouquet:has the scent of your naked muse, smoking a cherry cigar and frolicing in a summer meadow. A truly inspired breath strangely paralleling the scent of the office depot in Lynnwood Washington...in a good way...hum, weird.
balance:phat and lush. Has the coordination and balance of a captivating Parrish sunset.
comments:if I could find a partner with half the integrity of this wine, I might make an effort to keep that person around....Buy a bottle and marry it, cheat with it, or just get a room with it. It's that good.

rating:4 stars

Shiraz, Fat Bastard 06'

naked wine review 18
wine:Shiraz
vintage:06'
producer:Thierry and Guy/Fat Bastard
region:France
price:$9.50
date tasted:4/26/08...In celebration of JH and Gildrums birthdays.
place tasted:In a box with a fox.
served with:lasagna, green salad, bread from choice bakery le petit then followed by a beautiful slice of n.y. cheesecake... this wine with this meal...perfect.
appearance:this wine gazes into your mirror and reflects the deep crimson glowing blood of your ancestors.
taste:dry and spicy with an icy blue eyed gaze. Has the lovely taste tingler of the mythical pepperberry as well as a pie cherry brightness. It is able to express unoffensive fuzzy little tannins that rest and linger about mid palate. It's not bad, but does not quite nail the perfect three point landing one finds so very impressive at the end of a good wine ride.
bouquet:like a nostalgic floral perfume swirled with an obligatory stick of licorice.
balance:moves mellow and smooth like the stuff inside a lava lamp
comments:warning: eat/wear some garlic when indulging in this wine as its provocative and enhanced blood like qualities could easily turn you into vampier bait. Be especially careful if you are a naked Aquarian woman eating marshmallows.

rating:2.8 stars

Red Blend, Railroad Red 05'

naked wine review 17
wine:shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon
vintage:05'
producer:Graham Beck, Railroad Red
region:South Africa
price:$8.99
date tasted:4/8/08
place tasted:trippin' on Morphine in cyberspace. Hey, there's Bob.
served with:apple, Muenster, cheddar, mozzarella, salmon, fresh peas, grape tomatoes, walnuts, green salad.
appearance:beautifully obsidian with faint violet reflections.
taste:pleasantly phat berry n' spice perfume with tender tannins lingering in a faint licorice finish. Very nice!
bouquet:lovely gentle earthy floral perfume that brings a smile to the snoot.
balance:svelte with high fruity tones and a bit of a bite, but not to worry it fills out nicely after breathing an hour or so.
comments:I just love the way it looks as well as its positively alluring bouquet. This is a very seductive wine.

rating:3

Red Blend, Gundlach/Bundschu 04'

naked wine review 16
wine:Melrot/Cab/Cab Franc/ Petit Verdot
vintage:04'
producer:Gundlach/Bundschu, Mountain Cuvee
region:Sonoma Valley California
price:$34
date tasted:4/7/08
place tasted:the Pearl, because only the best will do.
served with:my buddy Moose in an exceptional dining experience featuring beautiful ginger scallops in their shells, spicy sauteed shrimp and filet mignon and more. We like the Pearl and we love the wine. Thanks Moose!
appearance:deep as Cobain Red with Cherry reflections'
taste:rich decadent black cherry lingering in vanilla caresses with sturdy, well balanced dusty tannins and velvety smooth tobacco/oak finish.
bouquet:of the Bell Pipe Shoppe with a lingering, delightfully complex cherry bomb breath.
balance:a Rubenesque beauty with gentle yet exotic features.
comments:Exudes affluence and poise. However one, two...many glasses may make you want to run through the park naked screaming "fuck me I'm rich, fuck me I'm rich". So remember: pride cometh before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. Then go ahead and enjoy a bottle or two, you snotty bastard.

rating:3.5

Tempranillo/Merlot, Rene Barbier 07'

naked wine review 15
wine:Tempranillo/Merlot(Mediterranean Red)
vintage:07'...I think
producer:Rene' Barbier
region:Catalunya, Spain
price:$4.00 No...Seriously
date tasted:4/6/08
place tasted:Brackets Landing, Edmonds-Washington, I wish.
served with:memories and naked photographs. Would be good with absolutely anything.
appearance:dark ruby red reflections
taste:dry strawberry/mixed berry
bouquet:heavy hit of sandalwood and berry blasts, very kind to the snoot.
balance:a little thin but well proportioned.
comments:it's a cheeky little wine, but I'm sure you'll be amused by it's presumption. Excellent value! I've paid much more for much less.

rating:2.5stars

Pinot Nero, Alto Adige D.O.C. 04'

naked wine review 14
wine:pinot Nero/Pinot Noir
vintage:04'
producer:Alto Adige D.O.C.
region:Italy
price:$14
date tasted:04/04/08
place tasted:on a sunny spring afternoon while rocking back and forth in a lazy deck chair and conversing with Bob...A good wine for that.
served with:macintosh apples, sharp cheddar as well as 'no woman' cheese(go to Wardens Wine Market), blueberries and orange slices.
appearance:Soft red with light burnt orange reflections
taste:bright, not to be confused with sharp. More floral than fruit, it is like drinking a spring bouquet. Finishes with soft tannins and lingering flower essences leaving you with rose petal breath.
bouquet:a lovely floral bouquet which includes a subtle hint of rose
balance:able to dance airy, and light on her feet while maintaining stellar focus and stability.
comments:lovers wine. This wine will make you remember just what being in love feels like. It's wonderful! If a love relationship is strained just share a bottle of this and you will both have a smile on your face and noodle legs the next happy morning.
rating:3 stars
note: Van Gogh did the pic, of course. i could not find the label but remember it as lots of beautiful sunflowers.

Caberntet, Mad Housewife 06'

naked wine review 13
wine:Cabernet
vintage:06'
producer:Mad Housewife Cellars
region:San Martin, California
price:$6
date tasted:4/1/08
place tasted:with two buddies, Despair and Comedy.
taste:smooth, round, and rich with ripe tropical fruit. Finishes with familiar footsteps gently walking away from the palate leaving no discernible memory save a fleeting smile on a blurry background. What tannins?
served with:batteries...2 double A's. Would be good with feta/walnuts/and green onion, danish Blue....something edgy for contrast.
appearence:rich ruby red
bouquet:sandalwood perfume, very nice.
balance:chubby, sweet, and predictable...it's comfort wine.
comments:get naked and comfortable on a cushy sofa with a bowl of hot stew, a glass of Mad Housewife Cabernet, and a pile of tollhouse cookies...you are loved. Now watch that show you like that you rarely take time for and relax for a change. Life is good.

rating:2.5

Red Blend, ESTE 05'

Naked Wine Review 10

Wine: Red Table Wine

Vintage: 05'

Producer: ESTE

Region: Almanzora, Spain

Price: 7.00 (Super Value)

Date tasted: 03/27/08

Place tasted: While passing a spliff among friends in the back of a dimly lit down town blues dive...reelin' on sax!

Served with: Pizza and Posh Chocolate mouse 

Appearance: Deep, dark red with beautiful blueberry reflections.

Taste: Bursting with cherry while resonating with gentle vanilla notes and feathery coffee trills in a delightful and inspired performance. Finishes with a hot lingering smooch of soft tannins leaving the palate begging for more.

Bouquet: Inhale this vision of yourself strolling in fallow morning fog past an endless patch of blackberries while savoring a fresh cup of dark roast coffee...naked. 

Balance: Dances gracefully in an indigo sequined gown with Prince Charming by the light of a full moon.

Comments: Smooth, voluptuous, and eccentric with strength of character and captivating charms. WARNING: Her beauty, intelligence and charismatic disposition may cause discomfort in creatures of a weaker, lesser nature. 

Rating: 3 tipsys

Tempranillo, Valdubon 04'

naked wine review 11
wine:Tempranillo
vintage:04'
producer:Valdubon
region:Ribera del Duero, Spain
price:$11
date tasted:3/29/08
place tasted:in a 'therapy session' at an S&M dungeon with Mistress Spanks-A-Lot.
served with:Bob, South Park, and Gildrum cuddles. Should be served with a phat blue cheese like Stilton, or No Woman, a delightful Jamaican cheese, smoked salmon and brie, spicy foods, and posh Chocolate lavender truffles...that kind of thing.
appearance:shimmers in midnight garnet encasing a rutilated neon light show.
taste:earth and leather combine to spank the palate because it's been bad. Comes on bright and shiny in blueberry/raspberry flavors fading to a lustful lingering vanilla oaky finish. You will enjoy...or else, but will later reflect on her as kind of a dry, cold hearted bitch. Oh well.
bouquet:a heavy, musky breath revealing soft fruits involved with oak and tobacco.
balance:unstable and so very, very dry. Makes' me tense to watch the way she moves.
comments:the heavy earth and mineral nuances generate a primal longing to run naked through a lush forest and celebrate the intimate complexities of life with a perfect stranger.

rating:2.5 stars

Lemberger, Blue Frank

naked wine review 12
wine:Blue Frank/Lemberger
vintage:unknown/weird, but I can't find a date on this bottle. It is now 2008 and I'm guessing this is a 2006.
producer:Clear Weather Wines
region:Missoula,Montana
price:$12.69
date tasted:3/31/08
place tasted:naked and wondering around Whatthehellsville Montana.
served with:John Malkovich
appearance:deep clear superior ruby reflections.
taste:black Cherry and bright berry explosions, with expressive soft tannins embracing the palate leading to a silky key-lime finish with hint of fortified umph.
bouquet:strong black cherry and melon popsicle candy store knock out...Wow! worth it just for that.
balance:graceful, light and dancing on rain.
comments:this wine reminds me of chasing the icecream man down for my daily blue raspberry snow cone at the tender age of 25. Lends itself to to the intimacy of lovers leaving you with the sweet breath of black currents.

rating:3 stars
note: i could not find i picture of the super cool label that was on this wine....found nice painting at least

Malbec, Sol Alto 05'

Naked Wine Review 9

Wine: Malbec

Vintage: 05'

Producer: Sol Alto 

Region: Argentina

Price: 9.00

Date tasted: 3/25/08

Place tasted: Sitting in the kitchen sink...naked.

Served with: Spaghetti n' Meatballs, garlic bread, salad...so the best!  And also a Posh Chocolate tear drop...so,so the best! 

Appearance: Deep cherry red with candy apple flashes of light

taste: Bold blast of cherry and ripe red fruits wrapped up in a warm carmel blanket.

Bouquet: Has the scent of a candy store near a head shop on a hot summer day.

Balance: Thick, heavy, and viscous. It's an alto alright.

Comments: A rich and creamy experience not unlike dining of the sweet blood of the devil himself. Lovingly nurtures the palate whispering midnight poetry to the spirit causing it to swoon,reel, then ravenously consume Sol Altos grand rippling body and soft tannins and allowing it to linger in a long muscular heady finish. Give it the remote and let it pick the channels, this one's a keeper.

Rating: 3 tipsys

Cabernet, Los Cardos 05'

Naked Wine Review 8

Wine: Cabernet

Vintage: 05'

Producer: Los Cardos(Los Cardos means "thistles")

Region: Argentina>Mendoza 

Price: 9.00

Date tasted: 3/23/08

Place tasted: Deep inside my mental tree house

Served with: Memories of a nice day

Appearance: A  rich burnt glowing ruby

Taste: Spunky pepper and berries obfuscated by soft vanilla clouds, with chocolate overtones. Finishes long and thoughtful with naked tannins gently stroking the palate.

Bouquet: A soft and soothing incense, heavy with earth, wood, and wild flowers

Balance: A perfect dark/light blend. Nice body gently moves and clings like lingerie on your best girl.

Comments: WARNING: this wine has the ability to dig up berried meaningful memories.would be very nice to drink in a secluded forest in the Great Northwest on a misty cool afternoon while gazing into the intangible daydreams of a mountain river.

Rating: 3 tipsys

Carmenere, Santa Rita 05'

Naked Wine Review 7

Wine: 120 Carmenere

Vintage: 05'

Producer: Santa Rita

Region: Chile>Valle Central>Alto Jahuel

Price: 9.00

Date tasted: 3/20/08 

Place tasted: While wondering the obsidian back alleys of I'mSoLostVille

Served with: A Vernal Equinox/full moon sandwich, but would be really good with dark Posh Chocolate, blueberries/berries, creme brulee...and any cheese (especially brie).

Appearance: Intense garnet with violet sparkles 

Taste: Seriously challenging fruity flavor with a long, spicy afterglow of lingering naked pleasure

Bouquet: A delightfully complex and decant bouquet.

This baby packs a polite punch to the snoot with sweet/musky sandalwood hits swirled up in spice and fruit. 

Balance: Light bodied and elegant 

Comments: A peridoxical fellow,  comes on flirtatious and sweet cuddles your palate like a kitten and finishes leaving you light, dry, and care free. I like that in a wine. NOTE:After breathing a couple of hours this wine is enveloped in a soft vanilla cloud, and oh... wait a couple hours, it's sooo worth it. God it's good, buy it! 

Rating: 3 tipsys

Malbec, San Huberto 05'

Naked Wine Review 6

Wine: Malbec

Vintage: 05'

Producer: San Huberto

Region: Argentina>La Rioja>Anillaco

Price: 10.00

Date tasted: 03/17/08

Place tasted: Inside a Jeannie's bottle.

Served with: Dark Chocolate of the Posh variety, raspberries, dried cranberries, danish blue, candied pecans, gouda...that kind of stuff

Appearance:concentrated deep violet reflections

Taste: Lightly sings soprano on the palate in subtle tones of mixed berries and gentle tannins

Bouquet: Light, fresh, subtle...like spring is coming.

Balance: Nice body, viscous and plush. Pastel in character

Comments: WARNING! It will make you tell the truth, and you will know the truth, and then all the love in the universe will dance in your veins only to ride away from the naked senses on soft waves of berry sunshine. La, la, la...

Rating: 2.8 tipsys

Red Blend, Tantalus 05'

Naked Wine Review 5
Wine: Shiraz/Cabernet/Malbec/Merlot
Vintage: 05'
Producer: Elderton Tantalus
Region: Australia>Barossa Valley
Price: 8.00
Date tasted: 3/8/08
Place tasted: On the right side of my bed.
Served with: A naked guy named Robert, not Bob, to my left. Nice guy, brought me a Posh Chocolate raspberry tart and fresh blueberries.
Appearance: Dark red with deep ruby reflections
Taste: Complex contrasts w/cherry n' vanilla spice lightly touching oak
Bouquet: Gentle and inviting wisps of iris greeting your snoot through the open summer window of a forgotten mountain cabin.
Balance: Nice body, more of a runner than a weight lifter. Perfect blend of dark/light tone. If this wine could sing, it would boast an impressive four octaves.
Comments: Displays multi textured nuances challenging the palate and inspiring it to contemplate the ultimate dynamism of the unified vineyard. Finishes with a warm velvety albeit cliche lip-lock before vanishing just a little too soon into the night.



Rating: 3 tipsys

Really Bad Cabernet 05'

Naked Wine Review 4

Wine: Really Bad Cabernet

Vintage: 05'

Producer: I'd rather not say

Region: Somewhere in Hell

Price: 11.00

Date tasted: 2/29/08

Place tasted: In the dark, cold naked basement

Served with a lovely incense and Bob

Appearance: Dark red

Taste: Sharp and furry with hint of poorly cooked liver

Bouquet: Of a morning yeast infection

Balance: Could fall over laying down

Comments: If you are into pain and abuse this is the wine for you. Attacks the palate and steals its soul. Finish is like liquid sandpaper with a burning sensation. Simply satanic. For Gods sake pour it out!

Rating about a half a tipsy...maybe

Shiraz, Alice White

Naked Wine Review 3

Wine: Shiraz

Producer: Alice White

Vintage: 07'

Region: Australia

Price: 8.00

Date tasted: 2/28/08

Place tasted: Inside a magic eight ball.

Served with: Cat hair and a towel.

Appearance: Deep, glowing garnet

Taste: Soft tannins ride in blackberry and oak. Zesty and lush.

Bouquet: Take an earthy and comforting breath that rests exotic and heavy on the senses.

Balance: Full bodied primadona with both character and class.

Comments: This wine wants to strip naked, wrap its legs around your sleeping palate and do the dance of pleasure. Finish is a light and lingering memory that leaves you bathed in a kind of etherial afterglow-Enjoy!

Rating: 3 tipsys

Malbec, Bodega Septima 06'

Naked Wine Review 2

Wine: Malbec

Producer: Bodega Septima  

Vintage: 06'

Producer: Bodega Septima

Region: Mendoza,Argentina

Price: 11.00

Date tasted: 2/20/08 full moon/lunar eclipse

Place tasted: In the woods with 12 of my best friends...naked

Served with: Whipped cream, Posh Chocolate, and Chanting

Appearance: Dark red with violet reflections

Taste: Soft tannins and toasts, oak and vanilla nuances 

Bouquet: The scent of getting laid mid-summer at twilight out back behind Grandmas barn.

Balance: It could spin around for days and still walk a straight line

Comments: Experiencing this wine is like moving in and out of warm honey. Finishes with a smooth oaky smoke like motion pleasantly lemniscating around the palate

Rating: 3 tipsys

Pascual Toso Cabernet 05'

Naked Wine Review 1

Wine: Cabernet

Producer: Pascual Toso

Vintage: 05'

Region: Mendoza, Argentina

Price: 11.00

Date tasted: 2/18/08

Place tasted: 1313 Mockingbird Ln

Served with: Cheese, grapes, & a hammer

Appearance: Redder than hells ocean.

Taste: A balanced and graceful beauty with hints of coffee, cedar, vanilla, and oak.

Bouquet: Has the breath of a poppy eating blackberries.

Balance: Dances with the grace of a naked Nureyev

Comments: Shadows of joy lingering on and caressing the palate, escaping with a long smooth feathery finish. A sexy little wine destine for nostalgia.

Rating: 3.5 tipsys