Thursday, September 30, 2010

Pinotage, Fairvalley 08'

naked wine review 52
region:South Africa
date tasted:9/23/10
place tasted:i was dangling off the side of a cliff ten zillion feet high! it was dusk and i had just been sitting on top of that mountain over there, enjoying the sunset. all of a sudden, a spider frightened me and i fell over the edge. damn. hanging on by one hand i reached out with the other and the great Dionysus himself placed a full glass of Fairvalley Pinotage there for me to hold onto. it saved my life. as i sipped i became lighter and lighter until eventually i was able to float back over to safety....however, my sanity fell crashing to its death. god rest its sorry soul, i don't really miss it.
served with:orange marmalade, apricot chutney, rose hip butter, and pumpkin seeds (to take the edge off the sugar).
appearance:her aura has a muted and refined ruby glow.
bouquet: of puppy breath and leather.
taste:of soft plum and fig faeries, smoking fine tobacco and distracting you in the small room in which you are trying to paint. these faeries dance, smoke, and otherwise occupy the vast spaces between the fuzzy round tannins which upon completion shine and buff the soul of the palate to a lovely matte finish, like fine grain liquid sand paper....i should probably open a window while i'm painting.
balance:an elegant, medium bodied, well balanced lady. she's been to finishing school, but is still a bit of a rebel. we like her, very much.
comments:"the only way to get rid of a temptation, is to yield to it". jekyll and least that's where i read it.

rating:3.5 stars

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Red Blend, The Stump Jump 08'

naked wine review 51
wine:Grenache, Shiraz, Mourvedre
producer:the Stump Jump
region:South Australia
date tasted:9/22/10
place tasted:i don't know, i was blindfolded; there was a conversation going on between a skinny sounding guy and the voice of what i think was a rabbit woman. they were discussing the color of the Autumn trees and what time the full moon would rise. when i said i was thirsty, they poured me a glass of this stuff. they then removed my blindfold so i could help build a fire. the rabbit woman showed us how to roast bok choy on a stick. it tasted great! any time can be a good time i guess.
served with:bok choy....roasted on a stick. blue cheeses and foods that are lacking in 'sweet' would make a nice contrast to this wine.
appearance:garnet, with rusty highlights.
bouquet:a dense heavy fruit on the snoot. it reminds me of the scent you inhale while walking through thick fog after a heavy rain, past a naked man hanging by his knees from the branch of a large oak tree. that's good, i think.
taste:tender sweet berry and cinnamon dominate the first wet, lingering kiss. she then gently saunters away exposing her smooth, round, Rubenesque tail end; which is pretty and soft, but a little cliche' and 'nice' for this naughty little wine witch.
balance:full fact a little chubby for my taste.
comments:it's a 'goodie two shoes' wine. if you want your innocence back, this wine will give it to you. i prefer a wine that can both respect and interact with my shameless hedonistic nature.

rating:2.8 stars

Monday, September 13, 2010

Red Blend, Li Veli 08'

naked wine review 50
wine:Salento Primitivo
producer:Li Veli
date tasted:9/12/10
place tasted:on the top of the head of David Boreanaz! how did i get here? why am i so tiny? oh shit, is that a comb? gotta run.....
served with a rabbit plate, featuring: farmers market apples, melon, and carrots; along with Dubliner Cheese, celery, fresh baked bread, and Camp Tuffit rose hip butter.
appearance:a light ruby red rose with rusty edges.
bouquet:testosterone and full on hedonistic pheromones dominate the unsuspecting snoot as you inhale. excuse me, i have to go blow my nose now.
taste:dense vanilla soaked cherry and sour apple, wrapped in carmel and baked into a gingerbread castle surrounded by a peppercorn mote. dry, medium bodied, with teensy soft little tannins on the finish. soooo nice.
balance:perfect, thin, but not at all weak. moves around the glass like a beautiful....well, remember that sexy, skinny guy you dated in your 20's who had but one redeeming quality? it's like him; only it kicks that guys skinny ass.
comments:he possesses a most unique and beautiful character. pour yourself a glass and enjoy his naked company again and again. cin cin.

rating:3.8 stars

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Red Blend, Goats in Villages 07'

naked wine review 49
wine:Shiraz Pinotage-Goats in Villages
producer:the Goats do Roam Wine Company
vintage: 07'
region:South Africa
date tasted:8/23/10
place tasted:day three of the Camp Tuffit experience. i was sharing time with Cherlin, Kyle, Tavish, Rose, Dennis, Frank, Rebecca, and all the little Freds that run around camp.... i remember us sitting out front of Helen & John, enjoying each others company while inhaling the pleasant aroma of a succulent lamb roast coming from inside the cabin. sometimes, life is very very kind indeed.
served with:succulent lamb roast, basmati, salad; and some amazing cheese snacks. thanks Cher!
appearance:sexy, deep black cherry red.
scent:of dates and plums smashed on railroad tracks; with a tiny hint of cardamom.
taste:of tobacco growing around a fig tree planted in an oak barrel near a pile of new tires; with thick, chewy tannins in the shape of gentle twinkling stars. finish smacks of dense fruit wrapped in peach fuzz and bids you an eloquent and classy farewell.
balance:viscous, luscious meaty legs; and so very sticky! she moves like a naked erotic dancer, and can make you blush like a school girl.
comments:a most delightful wine. you should keep at least one bottle around the house at all times. you'll crave it like chocolate once you've experienced it. hey, it would be great with chocolate!...go to for that.

rating:3.8 stars