Monday, December 27, 2010

Blanc de Blancs
Domaine ste. Michelle 08'

Naked Wine Review 64
Wine: Blanc de Blancs
Producer: Domaine ste. Michelle
Vintage: 08'
Region: Washington State
Price: $9.00
Date tasted: 12/27/10

Place tasted: Four days into the future; It's New Years Eve and I have spent the whole day putting strings on tea bags. I have no brain left, but hey, it's a job, right? Anyway, my boss is a big pink rabbit who talks with a lisp, which I think is quite strange, you don't really hear lisps that often. No one else at my job even seems to notice either feature. Hum, whatever.
There is a New Years Eve party after work every year, and the bunny boss always supplies lots of Domaine ste. Michelle-Blanc de blancs. Unfortunately, he also supplies bacon wrapped plums stuffed with blue cheese. Anyway, it's still a pretty good time. Bob even shows up sometimes, and you all know how everyone loves Bob! Let the good times begin!
Still to come: Later that same evening....
Serve with: Hors d' Oeuvre plates including: Caviar, smoked salmon, brie, gouda, and no woman jamaican cheese. Some sliced apple, celery, grapes, pecans, and dried cranberries. Toast points and water crackers to give your snacks foundation. Then finally, a sweet plate of Posh Chocolat Truffels; and Fran's Chocolates, Double Chocolate Figs.
Appearance: Pale golden sunshine obfuscated by swarms of tiny shining bubbles.
On the snoot: Like pineapple and pear mingling in a cool breeze wafting over a grassy field.
Taste: Crisp Macintosh apple mixes with soft tropical fruits in tight little bubbles that dance about and tickle the giggling snoot. Finish is clean and bright as winter sunshine giving the palate a sense of clarity and enlightenment.
Balance: Skillfully balanced; light & dry with just enough gravity to hold the HWP elements of her lovely form.
Comments: For a nice little 'champaign cocktail' try this with some Raspberry flavored Stolichnaya Vodka. Happy New Years to all; May you live and dream in freedom & peace.
Rating: 4 stars

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Red Blend, La Huella de Adaras 07'

Naked Wine Review 63

Wine: La Huella de Adaras, Almansa Red Wine-60% tintorera, 30% monastrell and 10% cabernet sauvignon
Producer: Bodegas Almansenas, SL
Vintage: 07'
Region: Spain
Price: 13.50
Date tasted: 12/20/10
Place tasted: Well it all started when I got back from my yearly Winter Solstice moon journey. I was wandering around, disoriented and thirsty when I noticed this beautiful bottle on the beach. I pulled the stopper out and a swirling of soft pink smoke escaped and formed into a beautiful woman right before my eyes! She smiled graciously at me and offered to grant me three wishes. When I wished for a bottle of wine, the genie brought forth La Huella de Adaras Red 07' (due to poor phrasing, I had to spend my second wish on a corkscrew). The conversation and wine flowed well into the evening as the genie and I became fast, and fabulous friends. It was a pretty typical solstice, lunar eclipse, full moon experience. Genies are so cool. What will I do with my last wish?
Serve with: Red meat; Aged cheeses, Stilton would be good; Perfect with Basque-Style Eggplant.
Appearance: Ruby with flashes of violet light.
On the snoot: Pheromones, hot & heavy. Like Gauloises, black cherries, dense earth, and just a hint of lingering lust on the breath of your naked lovers kiss.
Taste: Black current and dense cherry fruit upon impact with creosote and tar throughout. Wet earth and mineral saturate the palate as he expands to full on girth. Licorice and cracked pepper generate powerful emotion on the long, enchanting finish; with tannins linear, gentle, and understated.
Balance: Impeccable balance; a most harmonious quartet of acidity, sugar, alcohol, and tannin. His heavy, bulbous, and rather phallic legs were a delight to contemplate.
Comments: Just a beautiful wine experience. I think I even shed a few joyful tears during imbibation. This was one of my favorite wines this year. I would like to thank the genie, and CVS Pharmacy in Zootown for their wonderful wine selections and educated suggestions. Everyone loves the wine guy!

Rating: 4 stars

Monday, December 13, 2010

Red Blend, Goats do Roam 07'

Naked Wine Review 62

Wine:Red Blend-Shiraz 40%,Pinotage 18%, Cinsault 17%, Carignan 13%, Mourvedre 10%, Gamay Noir 2%
Producer: Goats Do Roam
Vintage: 07
Region: South Africa
Price: 9.00
Date tasted: 12/08/10
Place tasted:
I was at an early morning gamblers ananomous meeting. The cigarette smoke was deafening and I could not help but process the hypocrocy of the situation. I don't know why I went to the meeting as I have never gambled a day in my life, but I was a little hung over and as it turned out I had just wandered into the wrong room. At least my coffee mug was full of this lovely South African nectar, and I sipped with delight while being regaled with many tales from this new group of fascinating friends.
Serve with: As a breakfast drink I would just go with one of Mary Jane's famous brownies. Normal people would serve in the evening with a lovely dinner of lamb, steak, or roast beef. Appetizers of aged cheddar, gouda, or bleu cheese and fruit would be nice. For desert, try anything done in rich dark chocolate.
Appearance: A liquid garnet that reminds me of the surrealistic inside world of the beautiful blood orange.
On the snoot: Fur, snow, and pipe smoke, twisting and curling around a sacred fig tree.
Taste: Rich black current, tar, leather, and spice that harden the nipples and get the juices flowing. He brings forth tiny naked clusters of tannin to chew on as he seductively pitches woo the the sensitive and receptive palate. Oh yeah, he can show you a good time. With his long, well endowed, heady finish, he will leave you wrapped in the loving embrace of a most charming and elegant afterglow.
Balance: As firm, buff, and focused as an ancient warrior. I'm really going to miss him when he's gone.
Comments: It's a very sexy man of a wine, who kinda has that whole bad boy thing workin' for him. Of course, I could not resist his charm, even if he did just love me and leave me once already. You should have seen me doing the happy dance at the supermarket when I saw him again. If you happen to find any of this anywhere, buy it up. Buy it ALL up... and then send it to me. Thanks.

NOTE: The 2008 Goats do Roam is a very beautiful wine. That said, it does not contain the Pinotage grape and will not taste the same as the previous years. There is however a wonderful Pinotage/Shiraz blend from the Goats do Roam folks called, Goats in Villages. I highly recommend you try both of these.

Rating: 3.8 stars

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Red Blend, Cotes du Rhone Villages 07'

Naked Wine Review 61
Wine: Grenache/Syrah, 50/50
Producer: Perrin & Fils
Vintage: 07'
Region: Cotes du Rhone Villages, France
Price: $9.00
Date tasted: 12/1/10
Place tasted: I was naked, down in my laboratory working on a formula that would bring brownies and pretty rose colored bubbles to all the world; As the wheels spun with the intense thought processes involved in this peace-prize-winning project, I engaged in soulful sips of inspiration from a magical crystal goblet filled with this delightful nectar.
Serve with:
Cheeses: Gouda, Picodon, Bleu d'Auvergne.
Main Dish: Stuffed Cabbage or Cabbage Rolls, Pot Roast, or Pasta Dishes.
Appearance: A soft incandescent ruby glow.
On the snoot: Warm floral breezes drifting over a thick, berry rich bramble patch.
Taste: She is a pure shining black-raspberry goddess with an etherial violet aura, and quite tastefully draped in a lace gown of fine thousand-count tannin. The palate swoons with delight as she slowly and quietly slips away. She is know for leaving love notes written in graphite for you to remember her by. Now that's a nice finish.
Balance: Thin and softly dry, but not at all acrid. Instead, smooth and delicate. She has more legs than a centipede, but they are all very wispy; And the patterns rolling down the sides of my glass remind me more of faerie wings than gams.
Comments: Bow down and kiss her feet like you mean it, for she is your muse, and deserves nothing less than your gratitude, honor, and undying affection. As the saying goes: "the challis of every good person is filled with a beautiful wine". Now go out there, get yourself a bottle of this stuff, and solve a world problem. That's what I did. Brownies & Bubbles to all!

Rating: 3.8 stars (Wine Spectator gives it 91

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dry Pear Wine, Ten Spoon

Naked Wine Review 60
Wine: Paradise-Dry Pear Wine
Producer: Ten Spoon Vineyard
Vintage: I don't know, they won't tell me.
Region: Montana Made-Washington Grown
Price: 10.00

Date tasted: 11/20/10
Place tasted: I was hanging out in this cave way high up in the Bob Marshall Wilderness where I had befriended a Big Foot named Darwin, which I thought was kind of ironic. I was very happy to have packed along that bottle of pear wine though. It was a nice treat after the long climb up the side of Cat View Cliff. Once in the cave, I poured us both a lovely glass of Paradise Pear. Then we plopped down in a couple of bean bag chairs, and marveled over this amazing view cave-partment, which had a real retro 70's decor with orange shag carpet, black lights, and lava lamps. It was an all around wonderful experience. This is a truly perfect wine for situations such as these.
Serve with: An appetizer of Wensleydale with cranberries, a rich and lovely English cheese; Little crackers; Little fruit of your choice. A mango would be nice. No, a mango is totally necessary! Then for dinner try Acorn squash, Baked Cod, and Fresh warm bread. I planned this meal, AND the cheese & mango, around this wine. It was a perfect pairing...paring? Pearing.
Appearance: This clear skin beauty is only slightly obfuscated with the breath of the Pear Spirits that bless her delicate structure.
On the snoot is a stroll through a late harvest orchard, crisp, ripe, floral, and fruity.
Taste: Smooth as a naked models bottom. Light, elegant, and very easy to drink. It tastes exactly like a perfect dry pear wine should. Finishes quickly with a gentle and deliberate peary kiss on the lips that will leave you wanting more. A wonderful Ten Spoon creation that absolutely ANYONE can love.
Balance: She is so very beautifully balanced and still, not unlike the silhouette of a master yogi in full King Dancer Pose at sunset.
Comments:  If I were a fairy tale witch, I'd fly south for the winter.....on a broom! Woo-Hoo!!

Rating: 3.8 stars

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Merlot-The Velvet Devil 08'

Naked Wine Review 59
Wine: Merlot-The Velvet Devil
Producer: Charles Smith Wines
Vintage: 08'
Region: Washington State, Columbia Valley
Price: 10.00
Date tasted: 11/14/10
Place tasted: On a runway, waiting for the plane to take off. The pilot was still in the shower and I could see mechanics duct taping the wing just outside my window seat. G'z it was a hell of a wait. I finally decided to get off the damned thing and stay put. I mean duct tape, really?  I don't actually remember, but I think the plane left about 5PM. By that time I was standing at the gate, waving with one hand, and holding a half empty bottle of The Velvet Devil in the other. See ya.
Serve with: Moussaka. Would also be great with traditional lamb, or roast beef dinner. Finish the meal with a White Truffle Oil Truffle from Posh Chocolat.
Appearance: Glowing ruby red as the glint in Satan's eye.
On the snoot: Phat round notes of rich corinthian leather, wet celery, and sweet cherry/chocolate popsicle. 
Taste: Imagine bright red raspberries, peppercorn, a little tar, a little cedar. She is thin, but sports tender chocolate curves. Refreshingly dry with tannins as adorable and prolific as Tribbles that fade slowly into a sweet, soft, warm afterglow. A most deliberate and sexy finish.
Balance: A little acid, so let her breath for a while before you go devouring her, you cad. She is much thinner than the deceptively phat snoot would indicate, like a lovely naked woman all wrapped up in a faux mink coat. 
Comments: This wine is bursting with unique character and grace. I'd like to thank Mr. Smith for selling a twenty dollar bottle of wine for only ten bucks; Just delightful! I will be tasting, inhaling, and swooning in her charms again sometime....real soon.
Rating: 3.7 stars

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Port Blend, Founders Reserve Porto 04'

Naked Wine Review 58

Wine: Founders Reserve Porto, Port Blend
Producer: Sogrape Vinhos
Brand: Sandeman
Vintage: 04'
Region: Port, Portugal
Price: 21.00
Date tasted: 11/9/10 Happy Birthday to Jane!
Place tasted: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Served with a Garam Masala Spice Posh Chocolate Truffle. It was the best chocolate creation I have ever experienced in my life! This wine is a great compliment to just about any classic holiday desert. And though a nice port like this is a rich and lovely after dinner treat, it would also nicely lend its charms to a variety of hors d'oeuvre and cheese trays featuring absolutely anything from Stilton to Brie.
Appearance: Like the brilliant glow on a pair of Ruby Slippers that any Dorothy would be proud to skip down the yellow brick road in.
On the snoot: it's an intense and exotic hit of sandalwood and cherry.
Taste: Chewy red velvet fruit with just a hint of pumpkin pie spice. There is also a charming element that represents all of the sweet splendor that dwells within the breast of dear Mother Earth; Such as wet clover, nasturtium, and sweet grass. Warms the palate, calms the spirit.
Balance: A rich, smooth, and delicate beauty. Tannins, acids, sweetness, and alcohol, all lift one another up until it almost disappears before you sense that you've swallowed it. Magic.
Comments: It's everything you want your naked lovers kiss to taste of. Sweet, passionate, and full of pheromones. Ya, it's really good.

Rating:3.8 stars

Friday, November 5, 2010

Pinot Noir-Moonlight, Ten Spoon 08'

Naked Wine Review 57
Wine: Moonlight Pinot Noir
Producer: Ten Spoon Vineyard
Vintage: 08'
Region: Montana made-Oregon grown
Price: 17.00
Date tasted: 10/31/10
Place tasted: The ritual was intoxicating. A spirited ceremony filled with dance, song, and very repetitive yoga moves. We were lost in our secret location where the spirits of the past and the glowing soft radiance of the living moment mingled in joyous reconciliation. It was a Halloween celebration!
Serve with: We had chicken cacciatore on spaghetti squash baked with garlic and olive oil then topped with parmesan cheese. Yummy. It would be good with a variety of foods including vegetable dishes, pasta, and salmon.
Appearance: Rich velvety garnet with a copper twinkle in her eye.
On the snoot this wine is a stroll through a grassy meadow; Powerful wet and earthy with complex floral whispers on the exhale.
Taste: Layers that open in song with a bright berry and current show stopper, followed by dancing naked rose petals in Oregon rain, and on the finish a lingering blend of Pavarotti meets Pink Floyd in a world of gentle etherial tannins and tall cedar trees.
Balance: Light on her feet, she is a classical ballerina with sinewy toned muscles and passionate expression, giving great depth and meaning to her movement.
Comments: This is one of the best Pinot Noir wines I've ever had the pleasure of contemplating. The snoot is my favorite feature, but it's all very good. It was a big hit at this years Samhain celebration party!

Rating: 4 out of 4 stars

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Malbec, Achaval Ferrer 08'

Naked Wine Review 56
Wine: Malbec
Producer: Achaval Ferrer
Vintage: 08'
Region: Argentina
Price: 22.00
Date tasted: 10/1/10
Place tasted: In rare 84 degree Autumn sunshine, overlooking a glorious raging river from the gentle, warm pool of a natural hot springs in the Idaho wilderness.
Served with: Blue dragonflies, chubby naked men, and very pretty ladies. Would probably be good with food, any food. I think it would be very nice with grilled steak, burgers, or most any red meat...or how about duck? Yes, good with duck; And I don't even like duck, except as friends. On second thought, lets give the duck a miss.
Appearance: Opaque blood red with muted garnet highlights.
On the snoot she boasts the scent of the rare and beautiful Argentinean paintberry.
Taste: A beautifully dry yet refreshing burst of condensed red raspberry that holds the palates attention like that special smiling naked dancer that always steals the show at that one place downtown you've only heard folks talk about, but never actually been to yourself. On the finish, prepare yourself for a lovely midnight walk down a long, captivating, dusty path of chewy tannins and faint licorice spice.
Balance: Well balanced, medium bottom..I mean body. Imagine perfection. I want more.
Comments: Bite into it with both fangs. It's a sexy, exciting, quite spooky little wine. I loved it, and so saved it for my Samhain review. Blessed be.

Rating:3.8 stars

Friday, October 22, 2010

Red Blend, Coteaux d' Aix 07'

Naked Wine Review 55
Wine: Rouge-50% Grenache, 25% Syrah, 25% Cabernet Sauvignon
Estate: Commanderie De La Bargemone
Vintage: 07'
Region: France-Coteaux d' Aix en Provence
Price: I think it was just under $30 at the restaurant.
Date tasted:9/3/10
Place tasted: It was a perfect meal at my favorite Missoula restaurant, the Pearl, in the good company of a dear friend while enjoying a lovely bottle of French wine. What a great experience to add to my collection.
Served with: We began with ginger scallops in their shells and then both had the fresh Idaho trout. For desert we went crazy and shared a creme brulee. Amazing cuisine, as always. This wine paired just fine with the fish; I think because of it's rose-like, light hearted nature. No way it could overpower the fish. I think this wine is just fine with fish. Some of us just don't prefer whites, and I'm ok with that.
Appearance: Of a soft garnet pillow with a luminous enchanted glow.
Bouquet: Floral; Roses, the scent of roses is almost audible, like you can hear a soft, breezy song as you inhale, exhale, and then inhale again.
Taste: An eclectic blend of red fruit with a hint of that rose again. Subtle, very light tannins stroke the palate and make it purr. Has a lingering, etherial finish.
Balance: Long, wispy, naked legs roll in gentle curves down the sides of your glass. Her body is quite thin but not to worry, she has all the skill, grace, and beauty of a wild tiger....and she only wants to please you.
Comments: Thank you Dennis.

rating:3.5 stars

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Red Blend, Columbia Crest 07'

Naked Wine Review 54
Wine: Two Vines Vineyard 10 Red-Syrah, Cabernet Franc, Sangiovese, Grenache, Mourvèdre
Producer: Columbia Crest
Vintage: 07'
Region: Washington State
Price: 8.00
Date tasted: 10/13/10
Place tasted: Cuddled up in bed with a rerun of the Henry Rollins Show. I would like to thank Mr. Rollins for his IFC series; Black Flag; and for introducing me to the Mars Volta.
Served with a nice chunk of Gouda and a naughty hunk of Stilton. Also on the plate: Macintosh apples, orange honeydew melon, celery, water crackers, and Fran's glorious chocolate filled figs; available from Fran's Chocolates, Seattle Washington.
Appearance: Fully saturated garnet red with purple highlights, not unlike the brilliant blooms of the most beautiful Root Beer Truffle.
Bouquet: Astringent at first, then a kind of chocolate expression on the exhale. Some call it a vanilla, I call it a chocolate...blade-um-hmm. Go figure.
The taste is like that of a robust white chocolate cherry dipped genie wearing cinnamon spice cologne, drinking a cup of coffee, holding a leather whip, and offering you three wishes. I wonder what the whip is for? The wrap up involves soft elegant tannins clinging to the edges of a firm, long, lingering finish. Very nice.
Balance: Meaty, but well proportioned and beautiful, with chubby little legs on it's lovely androgynous body.
Comments: This angelic character sings big and operatic; probably prefers Richard Wagner. It's a great wine for licking off the ass of your naked best friend...or you could just drink it and watch t.v...up to you.

rating:3.5 stars

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Chianti, Fontana D' Italia 08'

Naked Wine Review 53
Producer:Fontana D' Italia
Date tasted:9/30/10
Place tasted:With a good friend, in the traditional 'dinner and a movie' style. We watched Mary and Max. We loved Mary and Max.
Served with:Chicken Cacciatore, pasta, and fresh french bread; and for desert, mango sorbet. This wine and this meal were paired in heaven!
Appearance:Smiling ruby red in a glass.
Bouquet:Citrus perfume with a tiny hint of vanilla.
Taste:Breezy and bright, but doesn't fly away on the palate like some Chianti's tend to do. Wonderful depth of character with dry celery and orange blossom tickles. The finish has a short duration and is laced with soft round tannins.
Balance:Thin and light but with all the beauty and brilliance Phair!
Comments:How about that. And I didn't think I even liked Chianti. Remember, you may know less about yourself and the world around you than you think. Keep searching with an open mind, and let your opinions go as quickly as they arrive; for there is no absolute truth, and stability is overrated.
p.s. Naked

rating:3.5 stars

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Pinotage, Fairvalley 08'

naked wine review 52
region:South Africa
date tasted:9/23/10
place tasted:i was dangling off the side of a cliff ten zillion feet high! it was dusk and i had just been sitting on top of that mountain over there, enjoying the sunset. all of a sudden, a spider frightened me and i fell over the edge. damn. hanging on by one hand i reached out with the other and the great Dionysus himself placed a full glass of Fairvalley Pinotage there for me to hold onto. it saved my life. as i sipped i became lighter and lighter until eventually i was able to float back over to safety....however, my sanity fell crashing to its death. god rest its sorry soul, i don't really miss it.
served with:orange marmalade, apricot chutney, rose hip butter, and pumpkin seeds (to take the edge off the sugar).
appearance:her aura has a muted and refined ruby glow.
bouquet: of puppy breath and leather.
taste:of soft plum and fig faeries, smoking fine tobacco and distracting you in the small room in which you are trying to paint. these faeries dance, smoke, and otherwise occupy the vast spaces between the fuzzy round tannins which upon completion shine and buff the soul of the palate to a lovely matte finish, like fine grain liquid sand paper....i should probably open a window while i'm painting.
balance:an elegant, medium bodied, well balanced lady. she's been to finishing school, but is still a bit of a rebel. we like her, very much.
comments:"the only way to get rid of a temptation, is to yield to it". jekyll and least that's where i read it.

rating:3.5 stars

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Red Blend, The Stump Jump 08'

naked wine review 51
wine:Grenache, Shiraz, Mourvedre
producer:the Stump Jump
region:South Australia
date tasted:9/22/10
place tasted:i don't know, i was blindfolded; there was a conversation going on between a skinny sounding guy and the voice of what i think was a rabbit woman. they were discussing the color of the Autumn trees and what time the full moon would rise. when i said i was thirsty, they poured me a glass of this stuff. they then removed my blindfold so i could help build a fire. the rabbit woman showed us how to roast bok choy on a stick. it tasted great! any time can be a good time i guess.
served with:bok choy....roasted on a stick. blue cheeses and foods that are lacking in 'sweet' would make a nice contrast to this wine.
appearance:garnet, with rusty highlights.
bouquet:a dense heavy fruit on the snoot. it reminds me of the scent you inhale while walking through thick fog after a heavy rain, past a naked man hanging by his knees from the branch of a large oak tree. that's good, i think.
taste:tender sweet berry and cinnamon dominate the first wet, lingering kiss. she then gently saunters away exposing her smooth, round, Rubenesque tail end; which is pretty and soft, but a little cliche' and 'nice' for this naughty little wine witch.
balance:full fact a little chubby for my taste.
comments:it's a 'goodie two shoes' wine. if you want your innocence back, this wine will give it to you. i prefer a wine that can both respect and interact with my shameless hedonistic nature.

rating:2.8 stars

Monday, September 13, 2010

Red Blend, Li Veli 08'

naked wine review 50
wine:Salento Primitivo
producer:Li Veli
date tasted:9/12/10
place tasted:on the top of the head of David Boreanaz! how did i get here? why am i so tiny? oh shit, is that a comb? gotta run.....
served with a rabbit plate, featuring: farmers market apples, melon, and carrots; along with Dubliner Cheese, celery, fresh baked bread, and Camp Tuffit rose hip butter.
appearance:a light ruby red rose with rusty edges.
bouquet:testosterone and full on hedonistic pheromones dominate the unsuspecting snoot as you inhale. excuse me, i have to go blow my nose now.
taste:dense vanilla soaked cherry and sour apple, wrapped in carmel and baked into a gingerbread castle surrounded by a peppercorn mote. dry, medium bodied, with teensy soft little tannins on the finish. soooo nice.
balance:perfect, thin, but not at all weak. moves around the glass like a beautiful....well, remember that sexy, skinny guy you dated in your 20's who had but one redeeming quality? it's like him; only it kicks that guys skinny ass.
comments:he possesses a most unique and beautiful character. pour yourself a glass and enjoy his naked company again and again. cin cin.

rating:3.8 stars

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Red Blend, Goats in Villages 07'

naked wine review 49
wine:Shiraz Pinotage-Goats in Villages
producer:the Goats do Roam Wine Company
vintage: 07'
region:South Africa
date tasted:8/23/10
place tasted:day three of the Camp Tuffit experience. i was sharing time with Cherlin, Kyle, Tavish, Rose, Dennis, Frank, Rebecca, and all the little Freds that run around camp.... i remember us sitting out front of Helen & John, enjoying each others company while inhaling the pleasant aroma of a succulent lamb roast coming from inside the cabin. sometimes, life is very very kind indeed.
served with:succulent lamb roast, basmati, salad; and some amazing cheese snacks. thanks Cher!
appearance:sexy, deep black cherry red.
scent:of dates and plums smashed on railroad tracks; with a tiny hint of cardamom.
taste:of tobacco growing around a fig tree planted in an oak barrel near a pile of new tires; with thick, chewy tannins in the shape of gentle twinkling stars. finish smacks of dense fruit wrapped in peach fuzz and bids you an eloquent and classy farewell.
balance:viscous, luscious meaty legs; and so very sticky! she moves like a naked erotic dancer, and can make you blush like a school girl.
comments:a most delightful wine. you should keep at least one bottle around the house at all times. you'll crave it like chocolate once you've experienced it. hey, it would be great with chocolate!...go to for that.

rating:3.8 stars

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Pinot Noir, Elk Cove 07'

naked wine review 48
wine:Pinot Noir
producer:Elk Cove Vineyards
vintage: 07'
date tasted:8/27/10
place tasted:Camp Tuffit Wine Tasting Extravaganza
served with:various cheeses, fruits, berries, farmers market veggies, and many other tasty goodies.
appearance:deep rusty velvet on a summer rose bathed in sunshine and blooming in Montana high mountain desert...very pretty.
bouquet:light floral cherry blossom snoot with a hint of wet earth and incense.
taste:her voice is heavy and rich, considering her mousy thin little figure. she holds strong, bouyant raspberry sphears suspended in a rich red fruit liquid with a gentle twist of lemon and served over real pretty lake rocks in a delicate frangapagni scented wine glass. her tannins are so soft, you want to pet them and name them 'fluffy'. it's very, very good.
balance:light as a feather with wispy skinny legs. dances around the glass like Ginger Rogers on the wing.
comments:this wine can inspire an uncontrolable urge to boast your bravest operatic technique; and whether you impress or embarras yourself and your friends, the pure joy felt in this moment will surly inspire and paint a little grin on the lips of the naked gods of goof.

rating:4 stars

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Red Blend, Faithful Hound 05'

naked wine review 47
wine:Faithful Hound, 5 red blend
region:South Africa
date tasted:8/10/10
place tasted:in a basement apartment that was magically transformed from a sows ear into a beautiful rayon purse....i was gazing into a childhood fantasy hanging on the wall entitled 'Spring Lake by Amadeo Boroni'...walking down that peaceful path to my very own home (far left of painting) and waiting to be joyously greeted by many cats, familiar and dear to me....ahhh heaven!
served with:a lasagna that i left baking in the oven before my long walk and afternoon swim down at the lake; also a warm fresh loaf of french bread my neighbor dropped off earlier to thank me for taking care of her garden while she was vacationing in Sardinia. i love this place.
appearance:an aesthetic dream. deep, deep black cherry red. just gaze into and be hypnotized by the affluent blood of Dionysus himself.
bouquet:has the scent of new fabric used in a white gown with little pink flowers; hanging in a trendy downtown shop on a sale rack because of a small childs sticky chocolate handprint left on the skirts...that's exactly what it smells like.
taste:bright red fruit with chewy chocolate cylinder shaped tannins rounding into a lingering, plump and pleasant finish. another glowing South African beauty...i love it!
balance:limber, quick, and graceful like an ancient Egyptian cat.
comments:Faithful Hound is a great name for this wine as it has the ability to lift you out of a funk and make you see life through it's joyful, loyal, and 'i'm your friend no matter what' eyes. so get naked, pour yourself a glass of this stuff, and chase a tennis ball around the house...or around the yard (neighbors/weather permitting) enjoy life

rating:3.5 stars

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Red Blend, Warwick Three Cape Ladies 05'

naked wine review 46
wine: Three Cape Ladies
vintage: 05'
region:South Africa
date tasted:7/27/10
place tasted:naked, sitting on the edge of a tall cliff looking out over a large endless body of water at sunset. have i been walking for years to get here? did I fly up? either way, it's no wonder i feel a need to rest. the view was worth the effort though, and i wouldn't change a thing. i bow humbly to the gift of life and the movement of all the wonders within me that think, feel, breathe, and live.
serve with:it would be just awesome with fact it is a MUST with lamb; or a funky cheese like the Jamaican 'No Woman'; or just some fine dark chocolate...i went with the chocolate this time round. go to for that. trust me on this.
appearance:it's very well dressed and masculine in nature. if it were a man it would look like Vincent Price.
bouquet:heavy French perfume with very subtle licorice highlights.
taste:tobacco smoke and fig mingle with toasted spice. delightfully distinguished and well mannered chewy tannins keep you company until it finishes short and dry on a slightly citrus up note.
balance:medium bodied and very dry; it growls a little but it won't bite you. complex tannins weigh heavy on the mind of the tongue. it also reminds me of milk, but in a non-threatening kind of way.
comments:i had a hard time getting to know this wine at first but once i did i really really liked it. in fact i'm liking it again right now. cheers!

rating:3 stars

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Caberntet, Clos Du Bois 07'

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wine:cabernet Sauvignon
producer:Clos du Bois
region:north Coast California
date tasted:7/24/10
place tasted:across from a BEAUTIFUL woman's apartment sitting on a park bench on a hot summers day, staring in fascination. oh wait, that's not me, it's you isn't it? and it's not fascination, it's stalking! get a therapist, perv-boy
served with:spaghetti tossed with roasted garlic, zucchini, olive oil, fresh grated parmesan, fresh basil, and a little sea salt
appearance:deep red pomegranate
bouquet:cinnamon and plum. kind of like if you took a snickerdoodle and scooped a little of moms canned italian prunes on top of it and served it up in a cute little antique glass custard dish with a cute little antique silver desert spoon.
taste: of a chocolate covered cherry sitting in lotus with nag champa incense burning while meditating on naked gingerbread men. make no mistake though, this wine is very dry and well's kinda like skinny people who can eat anything without getting fat. heavy crescent moon shaped tannins rock and roll on the tongue following through to a long, strong, heady finish.
balance:a sexy, viscous, well balanced beauty
comments:yes, yes, yes, oh my various gods, yes!

rating:3.5 stars

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Merlot, Cupcake 07'

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vintage: 07'
date tasted:7/9/10
place tasted:at the top of mt. jumbo chasing my good buddy bob around while riding on the back of a magical moon goat and chanting for the good of the land.
served with:pizza...perfect! moon goats don't like pizza. more for me. it's a very good wine & cheese kind of wine. you can't go wrong with a nice blue cheese.
appearance:deep, deep, deep red with affluent cherry reflections.
taste:like the tender breath of silky cherry chocolate waves cascading over moist earth, oak and grass. has a full round gentle finish that neither pushes or pulls one out of the present moment. note: present moment can certainly be enhanced with fine dark chocolate.
bouquet:is like that of a rose garden that is far away but that faintly caresses the snoots edges on the wings of a warm summer breeze.
balance:svelte, athletic with curves. smokin' hot babe of a wine.
comments:this wine needs time to breath and get in the mood, but once she is comfortable and ready, her naked beauty will surly not disappoint.


Syrah/Mourvedre Viognier, the Wolftrap 08'

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wine:syrah, Mourvedre Viognier
vintage: 08'
producer:the Wolftrap
region:south Africa
date tasted:7/21/10
place tasted:after struggling all day to survive in a hot, soulless desert, lost and lonely, i embraced a yoga oasis then wandered down a path leading to food, drink, and little peace....and oh thank the divine, it's raining.
served with:thunder and lightning....and feta, and walnuts, and onion, and lamb, and then some dark chocolate. it's really good with all that stuff.
appearance:deep, black cherry red with no refracted light; not unlike gazing into the frightening depths of Lake Diablo on a hot summer day. darn it, it's making me homesick.
taste:dense red fruit and plum with balanced blend of vanilla-licorice spice expressions and just a hint of basil. finish is blessed with oak and smoke that combine with soft, gentle, round tannins leaving the palate delighted, satisfied, and considering commitment.
bouquet:licorice and candy store spice; in the rose garden of wines, this one has a most outstanding, aromatic, and comforting scent. lean into it, inhale, and let it lift the spirit.
balance:thick and viscous; moves slow, like honey down the sides of her stemmed crystal vessel; quite lovely to watch. use a paper cup and i swear i will come over there and slap you silly!
comments:complex and inspiring; she will bring out the best in you and put you in touch with your inner hedonist. ah, sweet pleasure! i fell in love with this wine before even tasting it through her amazing nose and meaty sexy naked legs.

rating:4 stars

Raspberry Wine, Fall City Wine Wizards 09'

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wine:over the Raspberry Rainbow
producer:Fall City Wine Wizards
region:Pacific NW
date tasted:1/13/210
place tasted:fukcking Kansas.....i've made a huge mistake
served with: candles, white lavender and cognac truffles preceded by cheeses of brie, gouda and a variety of fruits
appearance:a beautiful aura of glowing ruby with intense orange overtones
taste: fat raspberry with a very elegant sparkling sensation on the tongue. lovely medium dry wine that gets bigger the longer you chew on it and ends with a massively round and pleasant finish....a great wine to inspire a calm, sensual, and romantic atmosphere
bouquet:dense and very bright raspberry nose with a slight indica sensation on the exhale
balance:yin/yang perfection
comments:dances naked with you in an interactive classical champagne raspballet. aren't you the lucky one? yeah, ya are

rating: 4 stars
note: i have no label pic of this one but found a nice raspberry picture to help communicate its beauty

Red Blend, Robert Mondavi 07'

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wine:Meritage-70% Cabernet, 12% Merlot, 4% Petit Verdot, 3% Cabernet Franc
producer:Robert Mondavi
region:Woodbridge, California
date tasted:6/27/2010
place tasted:in a dollhouse living room relaxing on a tiny little fainting couch
serve with:Baghala Polo, an Iranian lamb and rice dish. don't forget to set a garnish of feta, walnuts, and raw sweet onion on the dinner table (that's how I learned to do it)
appearance:deep blood red velvet in color, velvet tempered by age resulting in that kind of rusty rich orange around the edges look. very pleasing to the eye.
taste:spicy, with warm, tastefully understated complexities of rich red fruit, sandalwood, citrus, and oak. soft round tannins gently and subtly hug the tongue giving great pleasure. finishes with a dreamy naked kiss and a euphoric sensual afterglow. no regrets, you'll be glad you brought her home.
bouquet:breath in the scent of warm fruit-pastry endorphins exciting the snoot and making the palate wet and ready for action.
balance:extremely well balanced with beautiful shapely legs, sticky and moist that cling to the inside of your glass before moving slowly down the sides for your consumption.
comments:this wine allows the palate to swoon to a lovely and balanced quintet conducted by the great maestro, Robert Mondavi.

rating:3.7 stars

rating:3.7 stars

Pinot Grigio, Barringer 08'

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wine:pino grigio
date tasted:7/2/10
place tasted:sitting in the tunnel and smiling at the light at the end of it :)
served with:brie, dried cranberries, smoked salmon, papaya, macintosh apples, grapes, candied pecans, and water crackers....yummy!
appearance:almost crystal clear, if not for the cutest little naked pink toes! smooth, it's like butter, no bite to it at all. papaya and macintosh apple
bouquet:the subtle scent of honeysuckle dancing gracefully past your snoot on a hot summer day
balance:strong and Molly Parker...or any other Molly I know!
comments:a very refreshing wine experience on a hot summer day; soothing, kind, and reassuring like a long talk with your best friend.


Red Blend, Chateau de Beaucastel 07'

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wine:Cotes du Rhone Rouge; a blend of Grenache 60%, Syrah 20%, Mourvedre 10%, and Cinsault 10%
producer:the Perrin brothers of Chateau de Beaucastel
date tasted:5/19/90
place tasted:here...right here
served with:a good wine to go with pretty much anything...she doesn't have 'a type'
appearance:a swirly blanket of muted comforting garnet
taste:light, fruity, and pleasing, but not terribly distinctive; finish is fast and unmemorable
bouquet:the scent of a cherry-banana cheesecake (my favorite thing about this wine, it's nice)
balance:thin, but still looks sexy naked; so what the hell?
comments:after an hour or so of breathing it's quite a lovely gift of delicate textures. An unoffensive and perfectly acceptable table wine, but don't expect too much of it beyond that


note: i'm not positive this label is correct as the cost of the one the label was attached to was $35....but all the info on label is correct, including the grapes used, so if it's not exact, it's close and should help while looking for this particular bottle. on the other hand i may have purchased it at grocery outlet at an insane discount and that may be the correct label after all...

Malbec, Terra Rosa 05'

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producer:Terra Rosa
date tasted:5/23/09
place tasted:Camp my trailer....wonder if that bear will come back again tonight.....better drink more wine!
served with:strong cheeses; lamb; red meat; dark posh chocolat; pairs well with complex and challenging cuisine
appearance: malbec purple
taste:chewy rich black fruit and leather mingle in spicy wooded darkness slowly fading to a well rounded long, heady finish
bouquet:musky and lush. makes you want to lick and nibble its naked body for hours
balance:balanced body, viscous
comments:this wine is dangerously sexy. the experience will haunt you and you will seek out its seductive charms again and again.

rating:4 stars

Deans Peach, High Lonesome Cellars 08'

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wine:Deans Peach
producer:High Lonesome Cellars
region:Mt.Si, Washington
price:if you have to ask you can't afford it.
date tasted:10/21/08
place tasted:at High Lonesome Cellars under the watchful eye of Mt.Si
served with:good friends, all here to be of service and much love.
appearance:color of an enchanted moonbeam with soft naked pink edges
taste:dry, light and fruity breezes wrap the palate in a soft and silky eiderdown, finishing with more concentrated yet tastefully understated peachyness.
balance:she's a dancer and a deva, graceful and charming.
comments:comes on with the gentle comforting influence of aphredite wrapped in a creamy flowing silk gown of honey butter.
bouquet:an enlightened and subtle perfume that speaks more to the spirit than the snoot.

rating:4 stars
note: i am unaware of a label for this wine either so here's a pretty peaches picture to enhance the mood

Blueberry, High Lonesome Cellars 04'

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producer:High Lonesome Cellars
region:Mt.Si, Washington
price:about...oh hell, I don't know
date tasted:10/21/08
place tasted:in a beautiful fuzzy blur
served with:beautiful fuzzy friends
appearance:glowing ruby red in the light, obsidian rich and mysterious on the dark side
taste:of an elaborate and complex tobacco rope wrapped around blueberry candy and fed to druid priests to enhance the magic.
bouquet:the snoot takes a journey through lush, enchanted forests and exotic wooded mysteries that linger in the minds of naked wood nymphs and trolls everywhere.
balance:moves with the grace and balance of a kaleidoscope
comments:a most unique and special treat for the palate. It is a rare and beautiful gem to have in your collection of wine experiences.

rating:4 stars
again, i am unaware of any label for this wine. i have instead provided a picture of a beautiful blue butterfly, reminding me of an incredible, unique experience shared in freedom, love, and friendship, one that will never leave my heart.

Pinotage, Backsberg 04'

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date tasted:11/8/2008
place tasted:sitting on a futon in a greenhouse with a fish tank. Candles are burning and crystals glowing in the flickering light. With the sound of gentle, soothing rain against my window I feel at one with the elements.
served with:my most quality buddy, Bob. Oh how I love that man!
appearance:bright ruby with glowing burnt carmel fringe
taste:pepper and smoke enhance a journey to the depths of an enlightened and comforting spirit. This wine is a real friend. Finishes on an up note like a kiss on the cheek and a cute little grin before slowly gliding away from view and leaving you swooning
bouquet:the bouquet takes me to an old new england mansion in the comfort of family and friends; sipping wine by the fireplace, playing music and feeling the love and the holiday spirit waft through the air with snow coming down in a blanket of blessings outside.
balance:a graceful and unflawed character without even one offensive quality.
comments:i'm so in love...and the wine is really good too! great value as is typical of these lovely South African beauties.

rating:3.5 stars

Merlot, Napa River 05'

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vintage: 05'
producer:Napa River
region:Napa Valley
price:$6 at Trader Joe's
date tasted:11/11/08
place tasted:in a private cottage on the beach deep within in the soft hypnotic gaze of true love
served with:brie,danish blue, cranberries, grapes, pears, oat crackers and eleven hour magic marinara on thin spaghetti
appearance:a thick and stormy garnet pond; drink! drink from it, and be blessed!
taste:soft tannins embrace the palate start to finish mingling with heavy dense red fruit
bouquet:has the sensual scent of a summer boat ride on Whitefish Lake in mid July...ah, remember?
balance:moves like liquid silk
comments:elegant and charming, a perfect companion

rating:3.8 stars

Carmenere, Pacifico Sur 03'

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vintage: 03'
producer:Pacifico Sur
price:$4 at Grocery's a $13 bottle, easy
date tasted:01/07/09
place tasted:in the suspended and increasingly uncomfortable silence of my gratitude
served with:a variety of toasts and bread type things
appearance:dense garnet with gentle glowing reflections
taste:black current mingling with vanilla, spice, and earthy goodness embrace the palate as delicate tannins infiltrate the soul and gently fade into a milky etherial finish
bouquet:scent of a cotton candy forrest planted inside a new radial tire
balance:has the body of Rochelle Welsh, naked and swimming in a peaceful rocking ocean...the year was 1977
comments:consume and will do you right!

rating:4 stars

Malbec, CAMP 07'

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producer:CAMP/Grey Cliff Cellars
region:Lockeford, California
date tasted:05/12/09
place tasted:Camp Tuffit
served with:pairs well with stilton; apple; dried cranberry; brie and candied pecans; that sort of foreplay. Follow up with some red saucy little italian pasta number.
appearance:intimidating blood black
taste:phat mix of rich dark fruit, berry, and plum ignite the palate and dance lightly on the tongue with just the right amount of pressure and release before departing in a smooth oblong velvety finish that leaves its lucky victim swooning, grateful, and half naked for god sakes!
bouquet:a faint light unsuspecting perfume not unlike the sexy cliche librarian before the glasses come off and the hair comes down
balance:perfect....just perfect
comments:an excellent contribution to an etherial experience within the magic element of a deep and peaceful forest.


Syrah, Chateau Ste. Michelle 05'

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producer:Chateau Ste. Michelle
vintage: 05'
date tasted:7/11/08, moon in Scorpio.
place tasted:at ten acres fun park...naked.
served with: no woman Jamacian (sp)cheese, brie, grapes, fuji apple,and norwegian rye cracker thingy.
appearance:with its ruby depth and glowing hints of violet, I suspect this wine was infused with the spew of Dionysus himself.
taste:a smooth ride in an oak boat filled with berries and spice on a river of soft round tannins and full bodied .
bouquet:a thick and gentle perfume to the snoot. Brings up visions of raspberry chocolate mouse slathered on all the luscious parts of your favorite lover.
balance:well balanced with poise and grace.
comments:inspires a girl into wild acts of virasana atop the raging and gracious gift of Prince Charmings pumping loins; all part of the experience. Eat, drink, love.

rating:3.5 stars

Pinot Noir, Robert Mondavi 06'

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wine:pinot Noir
producer:Robert Mondavi, Private Selection
region:Woodbridge, California
date tasted:6/2/08
place tasted:I'm not at liberty to disclose that information.
served with:mixed berries, brie, and a fresh summer salad.
appearance:a clean, light, cherry candy red.
taste:gentle little spice bees buzz around cherry blossoms and berries only to be whisked away in a velvety smooth finish on a breeze of delicate tannins and oak.
bouquet:an almost intangible pheromone effect on the naked senses with the bouquet of a spring meadow bathed in sunshine after a heavy rain.
balance:elegant and light on its feet. It is a happy wine with a deeply spiritual nature.
comments:easy to talk to and much cheaper than therapy. This wine is sympathetic to all of lifes tedious complications. It will validate your feelings as well as lift your spirits. It's a good wine to have around. So buy a bottle, give it a hug, and savour it's glorious conversation, it's a real friends friend.

rating:3 stars

Malbec/Cabernet, Paris Goulart 05'

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producer:Paris Goulart
region:Mendoza Argentina
date tasted:6/4/08
place tasted:inside a genie bottle nestled in the heart of a lonely blue eyed whitefish.
served with:sex on the phone, lasagna, and a cat toy. A highly recommended combination with this particular wine.
appearance:dignified and dark, glowing in a tranquil, new moon blueberry midnight.
taste:musky earth and a hot women's tasty feet embrace the palate then leave it reeling in soft tannins and deep rich berry fruit on the finish.
bouquet:of treasured vintage perfume bottles and old lipsticks on display at a trendy antique mall in Edmonds, Washington.You may experience it as the breath of a freshly mowed English meadow.
balance:light on her feet and enchanting. She's big and she's beautiful, just too perfect!
comments:it's a thick, dirty, nasty little work of art, not unlike the vision of a beautiful woman being willingly handcuffed naked to a victorian brass bed and smiling for the camera. Try not to think about that.

rating:3.5 stars

Malbec, Gascon 07'

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producer:Don Miguel Gascon
date tasted:06/15/08
place tasted:in a dark naked fantasy with the moon fully throbbing in Scorpio.
served with:the Hunger...oh Catherine! Greek salad, lamb, and rice. A hearty yet elegant wine, good with stilton, poshchocolat, oh hell, anything really.
appearance:the color of the blood that pools in your damaged paw following the passionate snag of a hidden thorn on a blossoming beautiful black rose.
taste:soft cocoa butter cologne resting on the neck of Berry Cherry, Sally Cherry's sexy older brother, his soft round tannins dancing intently on the palate. Wrap your tongue around muscular liquid charms and savour this one for all it's worth, for he's smokin' hot and fades into the moonlit night on a spanking of stars all too soon. You gotta do this wine.
bouquet:musky sandalwood and puffy berry clouds inspire and satisfy the scent starved snoot.
balance:sturdy, lush, and viscous. Very well balanced.
comments:keep your options open and your heart in your pants. Just a little free advise. Regarding this wine though, it is a charming elegant experience that will leave you exhausted, legless, and smiling. So go ahead and indulge your inner hedonist you sick little toad licker.

rating:4 stars